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Convulsive Beauty
20 May 2008 @ 04:19 pm
So I whined about my broken Saturday plans to this very new friend of mine who I have met in person exactly one time. The plans were with the awesome girl I mentioned earlier. She (yeah, I know you're reading this! ::waves::) had to break plans with me to meet a prior emotional commitment, which I respect, but I was still sad.

TANGENT: If my Boy asked me to break plans with any of my friends he should know I would do it, since he is, and will remain, my second emotional priority. (of course I would expect him not to abuse this privilege, or he would be messing with my first emotional priority, which is ME.)

Of course it sounds vaguely asinine to say that I actually can rank who I care about most, etc, but it is the truth that I have a deeper commitment to some people than others, and that is healthy and reasonable. In ideal situations, there would not be conflicts between these commitments, but this world ain't perfect.

I am newly navigating many of the pitfalls of being poly, and so I have given this issue a lot of thought, though it applies to any set of relationships, romantic, familial, or otherwise.

New acquaintance said that /he/ "wouldn't waste time on /her/," because she "obviously wasn't serious about spending time with you, or she wouldn't have canceled for someone else."

I said that was much too harsh.

Anyway, guess who just canceled tonight's plans on me? Hah! Details very sketchy.
I do like him, but he is totally not ready for this jelly.
Current Mood: okayokay
Convulsive Beauty
19 May 2008 @ 10:44 am
I finally got my badge for work today, after several MONTHS of waiting in line at the visitor's office every day.

Of course I took the time to apply some makeup, because I have to show this badge far more often than a driver's license, and I wanted it not to suck.

IT TOTALLY SUCKS. NO, REALLY. I look like a sleepy whore. -_-
Convulsive Beauty
17 May 2008 @ 09:41 am
Well, Saturday plans with a pretty girl are off, but only for now. Jury duty was a major drain, and a pain. I may be crazy, but I'll still a little disappointed that I wasn't picked. But, this bitter was washed away by the rest of my evening. Nothing but sweet.

The Boy and I made plans for dinner and a movie, which was nice. Then he surprised me on one knee with a fancy ring. That's right, I just got engaged! XD I then realized he'd managed to get us to the same movie theatre and restaurant as our very first date. How cute! It's a chinese place, so I saved both the fortune cookie fortunes and the movie ticket stubs in the ring box. :)

He said he tried very hard to be mindful of my known prejudice against diamonds, though the ring he picked has a tiny one, along with three rubies. I don't really care because it's from him. He joked that I should consider it a down payment, and then he also assured me that it cost less than he spent on the xbox. =P So there you have it: my fiancee.
Convulsive Beauty
12 May 2008 @ 05:59 pm
hilarious conversation, imo, but I think I offended him.

convo hereCollapse )

For the record, both participants in this convo are black, in case you're one of those people who is all "omg, only WE can use that word to describe OURSELVES." Honestly, I think the phrase is pretty funny either way, if only for the shock value. (Also, both parties are self-acknowledged smart-asses.)

Maybe spending the afternoon trolling trolls has desensitized me. Okay, I'm a bad person, I freely admit it. He seems to be giving me the silent treatment now, but I don't intend to apologize unless he mans up and says that he was offended.
Current Mood: amusedamused
Convulsive Beauty
02 May 2008 @ 11:00 am
Oops. I kinda got dressed in the dark this morning, and unlike usual, you can /tell./

I didn't realize until i was halfway to work that in good light, this cardigan is quite obviously green (not brown) and really doesn't want anything to do with the cyan top.

Ha. Also, there is a heretofore unnoticed stain on the top, which is conveniently covered by the cardigan, and it's a little chilly. I'm opting to keep it on.
Current Mood: boredbored
Convulsive Beauty
29 April 2008 @ 10:00 am

Malthus randomly does this for five minutes at a time. And no, he's not eating anything. WTF?
Convulsive Beauty
21 April 2008 @ 10:46 am
If I don't get to see a doctor soon I am going to lose my mind. Even more, I mean.

Convulsive Beauty
09 April 2008 @ 11:14 am

1) stop ljing (and using other networking sites) while drunk off ass. this includes comments on other people's pages. (no i am not intoxicated right now.)

2) stop being unhealthy.
Current Mood: lethargicugh
Convulsive Beauty
17 March 2008 @ 11:50 am
I graduated.  B.A. in Linguistics, B.S. in Computer Science.

I got a job.  Junior researcher in Computational Linguistics.  EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED.  Everything is great except the commute, (Central Bmore to SE DC).  Considering some of the other places I looked at working, I think I made the right choice.  Several months until a decision about relocating can be made.

Today is day 6.

Stuff is good.
Current Mood: happyhappy
Convulsive Beauty
06 November 2007 @ 11:19 am
Halloween was a bit of a let down.  I was too busy with midterms to really prepare much of anything, my house was a mess, but I had people over anyway.  There was a trickle of kids to the door, too many of whom didn't have costumes.  Is it so much to ask that you freakin dress up if you expect strangers to give you stuff?  Needless to say, I didn't give them any.  My friend Alice was shocked, but I pointed out to her that I had backup right there on the porch with me - Jack and Harvey.

Jack and Harvey, my two pups were dressed up (costumes bought at 5 below, too cute I couldn't resist), and I threw together an angel costume at the last minute, complete with a pair of wings I fished out of a dumpster on campus last year.  Every May when the kids in the dorms move out, they throw out ridiculous amounts of perfectly good stuff.  Lately, though, my standards have risen enough that most of it doesn't appeal to me anymore.  These days, I already have enough lamps, fans, sofas, etc, that were dumpster-rescued, and though occasionally a good upgrade appears on the street corner, it's less and less likely.  Plus, now that Mike is out of school and working, occasionally we actually buy things. XD

I am having a pretty blah month.  Birthday coming up, but I probably won't be any more planful for that than for Halloween.  There's a long list of people I want to call and talk to, but the effort feels overwhelming.

I need to find a new doctor, going to Vienna just won't cut it anymore.  But I'm at a turning point, and I'm scared to start shrink-roulette all over again.  Fuck.

Therapy is so much work.  At the same time, it always feels sort of insulting when someone says something to you like "you can get better."  It feels like they're invalidating how *difficult* it is.  My mind has a way of clinging to bad feelings and patterns, and rebelling at the notion of anything different.

I can get better, and listening to those who want to help me does not invalidate my pain.  I do not need anyone to believe in my pain; it is real to me.  Trusting in someone else's perspective when I know mine is warped by pain is a *choice.*  I can get better.

Maybe I'll host a poker night on my birthday.
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful